What Can I Do to Stop Compulsively Gaming?
Here are some of the actions we took that helped the most when we were new to game-free living. We see them as a foundation in how to stop gaming.
Abstained one day at a time
We reviewed our attempts at moderation and accepted that they had not worked. With moderation unworkable, we accepted abstinence as the basis for our solution, one day at a time, or one hour at a time.
Our number one priority is to not start that first game between now and the end of the day. We remember that there’s not a problem that can’t be made worse by a return to binge gaming.
Attended meetings
We came to some meetings, introduced ourselves, listened and asked questions. We tried out some of the suggestions we heard from those successfully staying off games.
We can do together what we cannot do alone. In place of our old online social life, we built a new social life based on friendships with people who understand and support us in recovery. By putting just a fraction of the time we used to spend gaming into recovery, we gain many rewards. A meeting takes only an hour or so out of the day, and in return we get twenty-four hours of game-free living. Some members commit to making ninety meetings in their first ninety days.
Asked for help
We spoke up whenever we were struggling, accepted some help, and got to know other people who are working on the same things.
We need to overcome our aversion to asking for help. Finding strength and support from outside ourselves is key to growing out of old self-defeating ways and adopting a new way of life free from gaming. Since we become like those with whom we surround ourselves, we make friends who have the kind of attitudes and lives that we wish for ourselves. We grow out of selfishness by generously helping and supporting each other on this path of recovery from gaming addiction.
Listened to others’ stories
We read and listened to the stories of other members. We focused on identifying with them rather than comparing ourselves to them.
Sought a sponsor
We found someone who had successfully stayed off games long-term and learned from him or her. When a longer-term member works with a newer one, we call that “sponsorship,” a vital link in the chain of one gaming addict helping another and passing along our program of recovery.
The GAA program presents an array of tools, including meetings, a network of mutual support, sharing experience, strength and hope, sponsorship, service work, literature, helpful slogans, avoiding temptations, recognition of game-free time, and the Twelve Steps. Each member is free to choose which tools he or she is ready to try, at his or her own pace, with no coercive pressure from others.
Here are a few additional approaches that we found helpful.
- We kept fresh the memories of the pain and problems from our last binges, so that we associate gaming with the consequences it brings.
- Coped with the withdrawal symptoms, knowing they pass with time.
- Kept a written list of activities handy, to use when an urge to game was mentally blocking those other options out.
- Allowed ourselves relaxation time, exercise, and plenty of sleep.
Sponsorship
In getting off the games, we find we all run into many of the same problems. It’s like coming upon a mine field. It’s so easy to get blown back into gaming. A sponsor is someone who we see on the other side of the mine field, someone willing to point out, “Hey, I stepped there and there, and avoided that.” A sponsor shares his or her experience in navigating the difficult path from active gaming addiction to recovery. A sponsor listens to you, tries to understand you, shares any relevant experience that might help guide you, and makes some suggestions.
Finding one can take a while, so it’s important to have good support in the meanwhile. We suggest attending meetings, making connections, talking before and after the meeting, getting phone numbers and email addresses, and using those numbers and emails. While looking for a sponsor, you could ask someone to be a temporary sponsor.
Seek people who you find trustworthy and who are living the kind of life you want. Choose someone who has successfully stayed off games for at least six months. Be careful to avoid conflicts of interest, such as with family members or co-workers, and most especially where romantic entanglements could possibly develop.
When you’ve found someone, ask that person to talk. Let them know you want a sponsor. The voice of addiction fights tooth-and-nail against this step, but don’t let it stop you. Like the rest of us, you deserve support and guidance in recovery.
Start out by each stating your expectations of sponsorship and seeing if you have a good match. There are often differences that can become very troublesome if left unspoken. If one sponsorship is problematic, seek another one. You might need to talk with several people before finding a good working sponsorship.
While most people are able to set healthy limits on their gaming when properly motivated, the crux of gaming addiction is that the sufferer is unable to limit, control or effectively stop gaming, even when highly motivated, such that the resulting problems escalate over time to crippling self-destructive levels. Since moderation is, by definition, beyond the ability of a gaming addict, the only alternative to the out-of-control downward spiral is complete abstinence.
We find essential the attitude of seeking abstinence for only one day at a time. For each day, we prioritize not starting that first game and we do whatever we need to do to accomplish it.
The most powerful feature of our program is the ability of one gaming addict to communicate with another, to fully understand, to feel acceptance and a lack of judgment with each other, and to share our collective experience. Most of us were unable to break through the formidable denial of addiction until we connected with a fellow sufferer in recovery. Each of us need not spend decades finding the way through trial-and-error. We learn from those who came before us. We share what works and does not work with each other, and encourage, guide and support each other along the way.
Many of us encourage use of the Twelve Steps in finding the strength and healthy principles necessary for recovery from the insanity of addiction. We encourage our members to seek “sponsorship,” which is a one-on-one relationship with a fellow member who has achieved the kind of recovery, peace of mind and health that they wish for themselves.
Few of our members live closely enough to meet with each other. We live in many towns and cities in various countries around the world. Most of us depend on using the phone and internet to connect with each other.
Over time, our fellowship continues to grow so that more of us are able to meet locally. Each of us can play a part in this growth by creating awareness of the GAA fellowship in our community. To learn more about how to grow your local fellowship, please read How to start a group and contact others through the List of local groups page.
In the meanwhile, we make connections at voice meetings and talk to each other over the phone and internet.
We find face-to-face contact extremely valuable. Until such time that a local GAA meeting is available to you, we recommend attending some local meetings of other fellowships like A.A. and N.A. Please read Attending meetings of other fellowships for more information.
It is difficult to break out of our isolation as gamers and our pattern of relating to others mainly via computer. It can be a little scary to imagine meeting strangers to discuss the intimate details of our lives. Those of us who have walked through this fear and come out the other side can hardly begin to tell how valuable our new friendships with others in recovery have been. We encourage you to give yourself a shot and discover the life-changing benefits of friends who have been where you are and have found solutions that are changing their lives for the better.
The Twelve Steps of GAA
The basis of recovery from gaming addiction consists of abstinence, mutual support within our fellowship, and trying the suggestions of those who have achieved results we would like to emulate. Members of GAA share their experience with many different suggestions of the program. A very common one is to begin work on the Twelve Steps with a sponsor.
Each of us is free to try out or disregard the suggestions of the program and other members. While working the steps is not a required part of our program, we have found that members who work them tend to stay off games for the long term and achieve the positive results that take years to develop. We suggest talking to your sponsor and recovery friends about their experiences.
